Adjustments

If you don’t know already, Jeff decided to accept a full-time position as a web developer at a company in Jacksonville. This is his second week. It’s a senior-level job, doing exactly the kind of work he’s into — perfect conditions but still a big, tough change. We don’t know yet whether this is a short-term or long-term thing, probably not for a couple more weeks … it was completely an answered prayer though, because work was really getting slow for us both and we weren’t sure how we were going to keep paying our mortgage. Jeff’s having a hard time adjusting, since he’s been working for himself, at home, for the last five years. Who wouldn’t?? To go from complete autonomy (although I wouldn’t call it freedom, since there’s a certain amount of responsibility and anxiety that comes with that autonomy) to sitting in a box with superiors and timelines and meetings and expectations … it has to be so hard for him. I hate to think of him suffering.

But on the other hand, this is pretty much the biggest sacrifice he’s ever made for me and Eleanor and our futurekid(s), and I’m surprised to see how much it’s changed my attitude about serving him. All the sudden, I really don’t mind doing all the chores and making every meal. It’s a pleasure, really. And that is a relief! Sharing all the responsibilities (or rather, feeling like we should be sharing all the responsibilities) is exhausting. On top of this generous feeling I have towards him, during the day while he’s gone, I get the chance to miss him. And he’s one less person I have to negotiate with about what to do, when & what to eat, and so on. I know he’s enjoying the time away from me and Eleanor, too. He misses us, sure — but I think 24/7 wife and kid wears him out. And I don’t worry so much about our income — meaning that I get to work when Eleanor’s asleep and not much more than that. She has been so much happier and I feel a lot better about being a good mom.  So, in summary, Jeff’s new job has been Great for me and El. It’s been Hard for Jeff. And the difference between those two opinions has been a bit of a Struggle. There’s absolutely no question though that we Need this. And we have it. God provides.

In other news, I’m officially in my 2nd trimester, and definitely feeling the energy boost that a lot of women talk about. During my 2nd tri with Eleanor, I mostly puked every day and, because I didn’t know that I was lactose intolerant, I was pretty uncomfortable, umm, all the time. Now, I don’t work as much but I’m more physically active, I definitely have less stress and more naps, and absolutely no morning sickness which is fantastic. My next midwife appointment is Wednesday March 9, and I can’t hardly wait. Along with the relief of 2nd trimester comes the weird feeling of not being pregnant. No bloating, no nausea, regular energy levels … it’s enough to make me doubt that there’s a person in my uterus. So I’m excited to hear that heartbeat again, it will be just the reassurance I need to really enjoy this time before I’m very pregnant, sore, huge, and sleepless.

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About Emily

wife, mom, graphic designer, living by the sea.

2 responses to “Adjustments

  1. MGF

    Em, I know it’s a big change for Jeff, and I don’t think that this is the end of your “work at home” plans either. You didn’t mention teaching, but I’m sure you have already put that aside. You also know that we will do anything we can to help you. We’ll be your Mom and Daddy.

  2. i’m glad you’re having a better feeling 2nd trimester this time around. what a blessing since you have a toddler to take care of in addition to yourself!

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